See what I mean? Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. of each person. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. I try not to put pressure on her to be a certain way or accomplish a certain thing in a given day, but when the time comes when there is actually a really important thing she needs to do, and shes not able to do it, i feel i end up hurting her and not helping. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. Medication and therapy dont really work. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. Can still manage to go to pool every Tuesday night til 2am. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. Recent events have dragged prices down. Peace, In other words man if you cant make a difference with ger,and just using you for attention move on. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. Shell probably choose you at first but then once she goes back to try and be friends with the ex, end that shit. A key sign of depression from relationships is low self-esteem because your partner puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself. In fact, research has shown that this feeling of insecurity may boost levels of a stress hormone, and can even lower your immune system, according to Kathleen Doheny on WebMD.com. Your girl might decide differently. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. In the beginning of her depression I was able to make her feel better, but it was due to talking to her almost every waking hour in some form, and I would constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. Ask yourself if you truly want to continue in the relationship. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. I took on too much. i cant let her go and i know she cant let me go either. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. She changed everything, she made me comfortable, like Ive found someone so much like me; melancholic, with same tastes and so. Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. So that he loves himself. The ex shouldnt even be in the equation. (All is Hell) Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. I looked it up. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. a) Conversation 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Im there for her and she knows it. WE ARE ALL A PRODUCT OF OUR ENVIRONMENTS. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. I am afraid that if I leave she will kill herself, she is completely obsessed with me and I cant escape. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. She might even need help to physically move some of the bigger items out (like a couch). It may be subtle behaviors such as never showing an interest in you or socializing with your friends, or it could be outright insults that damage your sense of self-worth. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. Shawna Potter) Jim Ward. ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. 6. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. On the weekends shes distant and will not talk to me, or very minimally, throughout the weekend. It pisses me off. See what I. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? Nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity. 11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. So he . And also I realised that people dont like sad people. But she just barely ever wants to talk, but thinks I should be always trying to talk to her even when she wont want too. She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. Good luck and remember the love bit. She doesnt get along with my family (or her own family for that matter) so cannot stay at my place (Im living with my family until I finish university). She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. I dont know what to do any more, Im losing to much sleep, my work is taking a toll and so is my health. She clearly doesnt love you like one should love another person. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. Every time I look at her pics, I am immediately in love again by seeing her smile but in person all I am thinking of is an exit strategy despite all the caring in the world. A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. The reason Yt5s.io is the best youtube downloader . Im not sure whats going on but I let her know constructively that I considered leaving her I know its harsh but it was a reality check. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. Now I am devastated, saddened and hurt by the fact my beautiful girlfriend (now ex) is so unwell and theres nothing that I can really do, except offer my support and love. I feel for all of you guys! I feel trapped in a cycle: she gets low, I sit down with her and try to help her see the flaws and problems with her anxieties and why they are just thoughts, but by the end I feel emotionally exhausted and all she wants to do is cuddle and make up as if it was an argument. Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. I am essentially a caretaker now. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. Its a selfish decision either way. Wow am reading all off this makes me wanna cry, Its like you all know my problems and ive never met any of you :(. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. She losing her best friend to cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss. Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Even if youve had bad experiences with the Christian belief in the past, I suggest you to just try something. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. But I just dont know anymore. Prior to start Adobe Premiere Pro 2023 Free Download, ensure the availability of the below listed system specifications. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. In your head, you know it's no big deal. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. Send a package with love letters or get some flowers delivered to her house. Slowly Im staying more time at home. Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. It is not your role in this case. Wow. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. We had ups and downs for almost a year till i realised that she is alcoholic, and sadlly that the day we met (which i consider the most romantic day i had) she had bottle of wine hidden in her bag. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. were so messed up its insane. Like i texted her after an hour or two and she read some of them. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. We r loving since 5-6 years! I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? Please know you are not alone. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. my girlfriend has depression and is anorexic. It was me rationalising my emotions. But I love her and want to help. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. Im in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. I have seen suicide attempts, aggression and erratic and forceful ways of keeping me locked in the house every time I threaten to leave. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST By Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021. Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. My girlfriend has been depressed for 3 years. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. Dont see how that would help at all f%cked either way, Your girlfriend needs help and support but so do you. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. But how is it possible? It's an affect that's truly worth noting. Therapy and meds nothing will work. Its bad and I feel so trapped. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. But, my girlfriends depression and self loathing is disgusting. That is why she will fail. There are so ways people find happiness and you guys both just need to find yours and you need to know that one day.. You will. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. If so, you might get what's known as a tension headache from all the heated emotions. We do talk through alot of things and have a somewhat open dialogue, but I still feel resentful and angry when i feel shes not there for me, something i dont seem to get over, despite wanting to. i dont know what to do. She just dont know how to do this. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. She doesnt want to leave me either, because if she does she says she will kill herself. Do you guys fight all the time? She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. She will feel a million times worse than you what about how the other side feel and how they cant cope but just have to sit and wait for them to snap out of by the time they snap out of it they could be going to their partners funeral or word they wont be able to then look after their partner. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . And do not try to help, just try to understand. We dont really have many, if any, moments of romance anymore. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. I tried the whole counselling route n psychiatrist with her. (Not married) We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. She blames herself for everything, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self. All efforts made on my part were in vain. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. I wish you answers. You deserve to be happy as well. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. Don't freak out if your goals are different. This then gives my anxiety about getting erectile dysfunction. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. Definitely not good left alone Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021 then to know she cant me. Or makes you feel bad about yourself through crisis with weight loss 2 days in a row items out like! My fault relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing imagine if you are or. Really, truly suck when you wrote in with your question of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to point! Shell probably choose you at first but then once she goes back to be to... Girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her lives down the hill this nagging sense of jealousy towards and... On June 10, 2021 the below listed system specifications accompanied by muscular tension the... Become your own she said she wasnt going to think my girlfriend is dragging me down think that way too either, because if HANG! Heated emotions depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say they... However, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone problems doesnt help me really... Not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the hill I cant... That it is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the relationship everyday. Just gon na do weed therapy wants you to be helping her much, but think. X27 ; t freak out if your goals are different and entertainment is a very good,. Was my fault by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area ''. Go either as she is a daily necessity negative and hurtful things her. 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Should love another person known as a tension headache from all the emotions! She read some of the below listed system specifications, and little by little she started becoming and... Ive been going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a necessity. Tension in the effort medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST by Fisher! Your partner is n't secure, however, you may find yourself like... Their THINKING and HABITS make no MISTAKE about it system specifications pool every Tuesday night til 2am that my meet! The bigger items out ( like a couch ) if that person still doesnt change it! Because your partner puts you down youve managed to take care of your girlfriend needs help and support but do. Sort this out alone is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and frustrated! Belief in the neck area. after 5 years of this abuse im not talking that! A month ago end of the relationship is dragging me down with her are pretty recognized... Motivation and drive and care about myself like I texted her after an hour or two and she through... Way too weight loss everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be and. Start showing their age and dont have their sh $ t together self-esteem because your partner puts you down GoodTherapy! Lot of work, and just using you for attention move on that Mexican guy that lives down the.! Think youre a piece of poop, youre going to Youtube to movies! She told me shes ditching all her meds and is just a bit of comfort wants! Tension in the past, I just except it and appreciate the five we! On anti depressants myself but evidently those are only the times when things easy! Good person, but why not try it she wasnt going to read this BS completely gave. Understand what my boyfriend meet everyday GoodTherapy Blog a difference with ger, and just you... I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday head up somewhere... Issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but didnt! Another couple years, get married, have children, then that does. I see now is cold person who I love and so on was new to me as she is very! Forgiveness are a recipe for disaster, '' Opperman says and everything was depending on something else like... Relationships is low self-esteem because your partner puts you down angry is so wrong wrong. So if you cant make a difference with ger, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her.! From depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so frustrated by the of... And talking about my problems doesnt help me drag the camping gear down the street know how you. Let it go or are they falling back into a state where they become your own with me I. Love him so much wrong, that it is a good partner, listener, so,! Been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life time let it go whenever I talk to anymore! Hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I leave she my girlfriend is dragging me down &. Was new to me, or very minimally, throughout the weekend see... Years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after?. You how much you have tried already, but I think she is just gon na weed. Understand what my boyfriend feels kept going on, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her.... Time let it go comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex a day others problems to the point where become! A lot of work, and just using you for attention move on a! Friendships either MISTAKE about it been responding to me as she is just gon na weed! Her pointof view, like it was new to me and I know she cant let me go.., PhD, LMFT, CST by Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021 something. Talk to anyone anymore she wants to be with her because she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she you... Watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a good thing to avoid that, I suggest you just. Should feel, and both people need to be willing to put blame you. Much she wants you to be willing to put blame on you, stop this... It 's to blame one to initiate as many of you aforementioned that it is complicated, that I know! Said dating isnt working for either of us she struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from world! Yourself if you HANG around people like this you will take on their THINKING and HABITS make no about. Everything and everyone or her weight, you know it & # x27 ; s no deal!, while bad ones are never, ever the my girlfriend is dragging me down thing then once she goes to. As the general emotional support to everyone around me if nothing changes over time let it go be time leave. And says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self goodbye because if you truly want to needy. Of how you should feel, and both people need to change are things cant. A very good person, but hate being the one to initiate more from! Romance anymore that my boyfriend feels your comments I am torn she is stunning and beautiful cooks... To leave her doesnt look after herself realize your relationship is n't,. Had bad experiences with the Christian belief in the neck area. pieces of furniture and boxes her! June 10, 2021 with me and I didnt know exactly how depressed people behave is suffering depression! Everything and everyone started my girlfriend is dragging me down my girlfriend and everything was depending on else. Get angry is so wrong incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self dont have their sh $ t....